Just Mary

    I am the kind of person who usually seeks clarification first  before answering back, saying a comment, stating my opinion  or doing something that might affect  someone. Some people however find this habit of mine very annoying. I have been unjustly described as   "difficult . " "someone who complicates things, or someone who takes things very seriously." Just to give an example of what I am so that you can judge me accordingly, say  if you say something to me and I am not sure whether to take it as a joke or seriously,  I will ask so that I can respond accordingly, if a friend comes to me with a problem, I will also ask if they are just trying to vent or are seeking help from me.  This character flaw , ( I actually don't believe it is a flaw) makes me want to label things, relationships, or situations so that I act accordingly. Just yesterday, I found myself fighting the urge to ask my work  colleague-Glowey, ( someone ...

  A guy in my office says beauty is pink lips, light skin He says, light skin makes other features pop out unlike black skin He believes most light skinned people are beautiful, I try to tell him beauty is more diverse than that, Before I finish my sentence, another jumps in, no beauty is dark skin, tall, , white teeth, clear, soft, slender.   Good hair, and by good hair she means the opposite of kinky, coily hair. No, beauty is Short, tall, big eyes, Narrow eyes, brown, blue, black eyes , Straight, coily hair, black, white, big, small, two legs, one leg, big

I consider myself  a religious person, a Christian, I am an Adventist and was born in a family of Adventists. Over the years  i was just going to church because my dad said so, it was what was expected of me as an obedient child. When  I was able to make my own decisions, I still chose to be an Adventist and realized  I enjoy being an Adventist even though I don’t seem to fit the image of a true Adventist. By a true Adventist I mean a girl who wears her natural hair, wears long skirts and dresses, doesn’t apply any makeup, except on her wedding (because that’s what it appears to be acceptable), no jewelry, listens and reads Adventist materials. Unfortunately, I find trousers comfortable, fallen in love with simple jewelry, apply makeup, wear my hair short except, I color it, I wear short skirts and dresses. You get the idea, so inside and outside church I get stares, people, fellow Adventists judging my looks, calling me names, I remember a friend of my brother’s ...

My father, who was a Head teacher at one of the rural secondary schools liked travelling long distances at night or very early in the morning to attend Teachers meetings in different education zones which were very far from where we lived. Those were some of the most dreadful moments of my life, when he travelled at night or very early in the morning. We all hated it, loathed every second of what we had to go through as we waited for him to get back home safely.   I and my siblings would crump up together on the sofa or on someone’s bed waiting for his knock the knock which would assure as of that he was alive and well.  No one said it out loud, but all knew what each of us was thinking at that particular moment, the silence among us was loud enough to be heard by our souls, the fear of losing the only parent we had. I lost my mother when I was young, 7/8 years old I don’t  really remember when, and it’s unfortunate that I  can’t  also tell if the reason is...

Sometimes, I am convinced earth, just like hades, Kur or Sheol is another name for hell, if it’s not then maybe it’s just a part of it. If they are two different worlds then the only difference must be that with the earth there is an escape door from all the suffering while with ‘hell’ well, there is no escape door, just eternal suffering. But then again, all the years you spend on earth suffering until you die, those years are considered  your eternity. To escape from all the suffering, to find the peace you must die and to die you must suffer too. Only a few we say, are lucky enough to die peacefully, or so we assume because we can never really tell if they struggled for their last breath or simply breathe their last. Get sick and slowly escape or do it quickly and at once like drink yourself to death, get hit by a car, get involved in an accident, commit suicide, or die straight from birth. You accidentally step on an ant and think poor creature didn’t see that coming, only to ...

   THE “BABY” IN US  Disclaimer: I am not a member of The Consortium of Ancient nor do I  represent their views (ref The Boss Baby cartoon). ha-ha. You are such a big baby! Don’t be a baby! Can be some of the most hurtful words which are thrown at us when the other party thinks we are being too fragile, needy, and seeking more attention than necessary. We perceive it as an insult I mean which adult would want to be compared to a baby, a baby who can’t form comprehensible sentences, who crawls towards the fire or a bucket full of water, a baby who wears a diaper. But if we were to look within us, aren’t we all indeed just big babies?  A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that when my baby sister, who is about a year old enters my room, I drop everything and give her my full attention, the case is entirely different though when my teenage brother enters my room. I don’t stop looking at my phone, don’t pause the movies or close my laptop, I don’t turn to look at him, I...

“Do not speak bad of yourself. For the warrior within hears yours words and is lessened by them” old- Japanese samurai proverb Do I really qualify? I bet there are more qualified individuals than I am, I don’t even understand why I was picked for this, maybe I was merely picked by chance,? Endless doubts, more questions, followed by disappointment. I am sure some of you know what I am talking. remember each time you were invited for an interview and you thought you just got lucky and didn’t deserve it? You couldn’t tell anyone because it would sound absurd since no one forced you to apply for the job and you know you are more than qualified for the job. Often, you have felt t that you don’t deserve to be where you are or that it was luck which got you where you are, nothing more. You even feel guilty for  the awards , the recognition, success and the compliments   because you think  someone more deserving  should be in your place, you think someone some...